THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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