Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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