when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
