Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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