it's not cheating when I paid for it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
