The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
