dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
