went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
