dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
