this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
