how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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