Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
