I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize