Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
