I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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