11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize