Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ok first of all what the fuck
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
