I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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