Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
