i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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