never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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