come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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