When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize