someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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