Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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