I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
