I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
