Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize