Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
