the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
