he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
