tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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