He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What a dumb baby whore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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