why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize