i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
