I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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