i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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