What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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