The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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