No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize