May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
