so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
