You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
