Your dad touched me again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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