Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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