Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
