It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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