from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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