can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
