Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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