I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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