Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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