I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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