No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
