Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
