You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
