HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
