She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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