When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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