A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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