Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
