everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
