The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
