Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
