I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
