It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
