fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
