Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
