my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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