when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
