U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
