If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
