Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
