Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
