i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
