Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
