cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
