she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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