Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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