my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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