As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
