Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
