I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
