I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
