direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's rum buckets o'clock
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
