you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
