It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
