One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
