No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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