Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
