with your own penis?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize