My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
