I wish I could teleport
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
