soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
