I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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