Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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