why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she pinky promised me she was 18
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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