She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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