Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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