Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
