A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
