Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize