If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
