Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
