No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
