i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize