Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
